self love dates will change your life (here is how…)

I talk a lot about upgrading your life and changing your life, and whilst, yes, habit development and taking action is a big part of changing your life, also facing the stuff that’s holding you back is super crucial to be able to truly make those upgrades that you need in order to become the person you need to be to live the life you desire to have.

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One of the most important relationships that we have in this life is the relationship that we have with ourselves. I came up with this concept a couple of years ago of becoming the coolest person because I feel like so many people are just not focusing on this relationship, the relationship that they have with themselves, even though it really is the relationship that is gonna determine your success, your happiness, and how your life unfolds. 

And I believe that one of the reasons why we don’t have a strong relationship with ourselves is because, let’s face it, life is so freaking busy. 

I constantly feel like, you know, there’s something to do, there are people to see, there’s amazingness to happen, but I need to make sure that in my life specifically, I am prioritizing spending time alone. Because it’s in this time that we spend by ourselves that that relationship, the relationship that we have to ourselves evolves. 

And so if you aren’t prioritizing spending time by yourself, it’s really easy to just get caught up in going through the motions of life. And the further that you get into the habit of being responsive to the world around you, the further away you actually get from having that deep connection to your inner self and your intuition. 

And so it’s something that I like to do is have a little self-love retreat. 

The premise of this time is so that you can shut the world out, shut the influence out, shut the relationships out, shut the creativity of others out, shut the comparison out for just a moment, and really dig deep into what’s going on inside.

Because if you don’t, what tends to happen is that you can spiral so far away from that magical connection that you have with yourself and with the universe. 

We don’t grow when we are constantly in this responsive mode. We don’t become stronger, more capable, or more in tune when we are constantly just living life and participating in the world around us. We have to really look at our own wounds, at our own triggers, at our own beliefs, and at our own desires in order to really be able to gain the strength and perspective that we need to build our dream life. 

Facing the stuff that’s holding you back is super crucial to be able to truly make those upgrades that you need in order to become the person you need to be to live the life you desire to have. 


That’s one big thing that we really need to spend time alone with. When you set goals and set intentions, one of the most important things is that you actually pause after you’ve set the goal and really assess whether you are truly, truly emotionally connected to that intention. 

Because the emotional side of a goal and of desire and of manifestation is the most important piece. You need to have passion for fuel to take action. Whether you’re spiritual or not, it doesn’t matter. When you are emotionally connected to the goal, you are going to be so much more disciplined in your pursuit of that goal. 

When you are constantly in response to the world, you know, you’re constantly spending time with other people, you’re constantly talking about your goals with other people, you’re constantly just in the world, not in your internal world. It’s really easy to sometimes set goals out of influence or comparison set goals that you think are at the benefit of the people around you. 

And so when you’re thinking about your goals, maybe they’re not your true passionate desires, but they’re the goals that are the greater good for the people around you. 

It’s really important when you are spending time alone to truly, truly ask yourself the things that you desire, what you are working towards, and the goals that you’ve set for yourself. 

  • Do you really want those things? 

  • Do they really bring you joy? Are they really going to light you up? 

  • Are you really creating a life that’s in alignment with your true desires? 

It’s so important that you spend time just figuring out what you like, what you desire, and what you aspire to.

So, ask yourself what do I like in this next chapter? What do I like in this next part of my life? 


Take stock of your relationships. Take an assessment of your relationships. Do you really enjoy the company that you have around you? 

Especially when it comes to building success. They say that you are the sum of the five people that you spend the most time with. 

And I truly do believe that. I believe regardless of how much time we spend alone, our social circle will influence us. There is a sociology study called clustering. It shows that clusters of human beings will generally have similar behaviours, acts, thoughts, perspectives, and all of these things. So yes, the people that we spend time with will influence how we see the world.

However, in your pursuit of passion, love, desire, and happiness, take stock when you’re alone.

Ask yourself…

  • Are these relationships fulfilling me?

  • Are these relationships making me happy?

  • Or am I stuck in a cycle of monotony and too afraid to make a change?

When you’re comfortable spending time alone, and you have a good relationship with yourself, your standards of relationships with other people will rise. 

If we’re not taking a constant assessment of our relationships just in the way we should be taking an assessment of our life, it’s easy to not take the action that could lead to a completely different experience.


It’s very easy to constantly feel like you’re behind in life. There is always more that you “should” be doing. But the reality is that I think we focus too much on what we’re not doing, on what there’s still to do, on what we should have done and don’t take enough stock of what we’re actually achieving. 

It’s about asking yourself…

  • Did I show up the best for myself?

  • Am I taking care of myself?

  • Am I happy?

  • Did I do the best that I can? 

NOT, did I get to the end
of my to-do list?

We need to make a practice with ourselves by looking at what we are doing and what we are achieving, of what we can be proud of. 

Such a big part of becoming the coolest person is working towards what you want, developing the characteristics of the human being that you wanna be while simultaneously being super freaking in love and admiring and in awe of yourself. 

And one of the easiest ways to do that is by asking yourself, what am I proud of? What have I done? What have I achieved in my life over the last week, over the last year? 

It’s so easy when we’re caught up in day-to-day life not to do these things. When you take that step back and can you ask yourself, you will be filled with so much more motivation to continue to go out there and find more things to be proud of yourself for. Because that emotion of self-pride, of self-admiration, is addictive. And is honestly the key to building a deep relationship with yourself.


We ask, what does my body need? You know, it needs food, it needs fuel, it needs sleep, it needs hydration. 

We ask, what does my bank account need? Like it needs me to make money, go to work, and do my job. 

What does my partner need? What do my kids need? What does my, you know, family need? 

We are constantly asking after things outside of ourselves. But true happiness is built on a soul level. And so some of the things that are gonna make you feel the most fulfilled, the most joy are outside of the day-to-day responsibilities of life. 

So next time you are spending time alone, ask yourself like, what does my soul really need? 

The answer might be obscure. It might be,  I wanna go to a museum. I need to listen to music, I need to dance, I need to sleep. I need to watch Sex in the City. I need to call my mom. I need to see a new country. I need to leave my job. I need to have a little bit more discipline in the gym. I need to start taking action towards my painting career. 

Your soul, your intuition, the universal connection that you have has so much wisdom. It’s the blueprint for how you can live an extraordinary life. 

The biggest hack that we have in this human experience is within us. We actually have the answers for everything that we want, for everything that we need. It’s just that the connection to that is buried so deeply. 

And so, if you can truly just take a little moment for yourself and carve out some time to ask yourself these questions, everything will change. 



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