START DECONSTRUCTING EVERYTHING YOU’VE EVER BEEN TOLD ABOUT BEAUTY AND SUCCESS

One of the biggest reasons why so many don’t have a good sense of self-esteem is because we have been told since we were children that we are not good enough. 

Now, the reason we’ve been told we’re not good enough is for profit. So many companies and organizations out there profit off of women not feeling good about themselves. They advertise these unrealistic beauty standards. And these unrealistic life success milestones that we should be chasing, when in reality, a lot of the things that we’re being sold into aren’t actually what are going to truly make us happy. And a lot of the times they’re totally unachievable as well. 

So if you’re someone who doesn’t feel good enough, you have to start deconstructing all of these thoughts and recognize that a lot of these ideas and concepts that you’re chasing are just advertising. They’re there to sell you a product. 

I absolutely love the finer things in life, if you will, I love to travel, I love to take care of myself, I love to look my best, I love fashion, not saying that there’s anything necessarily wrong with these things. However, are they going to make you happy? Are they what truly build your sense of self-confidence and self-esteem? Probably not. 

There are a lot of people who have a lot of money, who have the “ideal body” and “ideal lifestyle”, who are truly, truly dissatisfied with their lives. So we know for sure that these things aren’t actually the things that are going to make us happy, right? 

So what you want to do is you want to start to really be present in every single moment of every single day. What are the things that truly make me happy? That truly lights me up? That truly gives me this sense of self-confidence and joy that I’m so deeply craving in my life? 

A lot of the time, it’s not going to be the things that you think it might be. Maybe it’s going out for a nice walk in nature, maybe it’s just laughing hysterically with your friends over a bottle of wine. These are the things you should focus on chasing to build a better sense of self-esteem and self-confidence rather than always trying to go for the things that the media and our society have led you to believe are the only things that are going to make you happy. 

And I will say that this may require you to build a better sense of connection with yourself. You really need to understand your own intuitive nudges towards what is going to make you happy. And in order for you to be able to do that you have to spend time by yourself listening. Spending time away from social media. Spending time away from traditional media. Spending time away from other people. You’re not going to be able to connect with yourself and what truly lights you up unless you spend time by yourself. 

Don’t just allow society to influence you for the rest of your life. Start questioning why you want the things that you want, how you want the things that you want, and what truly makes you happy. If you ask yourself those questions consistently, I promise you, you’re going to get a very different picture than what you’re currently being influenced by.

HAVE A PURPOSE

This can come from a range of different things, right? This could be from your career, your contributions to society or your community. This could even be from the hobbies that you have. But one thing that I talk about a lot as one of the most potent human emotions for self-confidence, self-worth, self-esteem is the feeling of pride, being proud of ourselves. 

Going back to tip one, a lot of the time these accolades, or these versions of success, aren’t going to fulfil us and, a lot of the time is really hard to achieve. And what I think is the most potent thing that will really help with your sense of self-esteem is the feeling of being proud of yourself. Taking the best care of yourself that you can and showing up for your goals in the best way that you can possibly do. 

And of course, one of the biggest ways to induce a feeling of pride is working on something that you think matters. You know, I feel so incredibly proud of myself for this community that I’ve built online, for the way that I’m able to help and influence women more positively to build their confidence and live the life that they dream of. That really does make me feel proud of myself every single day. 

And so when it comes to my sense of self-esteem, of course, I have a higher sense of self-esteem. Because of the work that I’m doing and the way that I show up in my life, I feel like anyway, matters.

So, find a purpose. You know, it doesn’t necessarily have to be a career, it can be like I said, the way that you contribute to society, it can even be a hobby, but just find something that you find meaning and purpose in because that is truly going to build your sense of self-esteem. 

More than anything on the exterior, the inner stuff is truly what makes you feel good about yourself. 

CELEBRATE EVERYTHING

I want to tell you a story. So one of the biggest reasons why I think I have a pretty good internal sense of self-confidence and self-esteem is because I learned as a child to celebrate everything. 

My mum used to throw parties for me and my brother for the most mundane of things. 

This has been the way that I’ve been my whole entire life like always celebrating the little milestone, celebrating the little things. If you learn to celebrate all of the little things that happen in your life, what you actually do is start to change the narrative that goes on internally. 

Humans have what’s called a negativity bias. This means that we tend to focus on the negatives. We will ruminate on the things that go wrong. And we will totally bypass the things that go right. 

If you try to change this narrative, if you try to change this behaviour, and focus on celebrating all of the little things. Try to celebrate absolutely everything, whether it be positive or negative. 

Celebrate the challenges that you are resilient through, celebrate the lessons that you learn when something goes wrong. If you try to make it about celebrating rather than being negative towards yourself, you’re just going to have such a higher sense of self-esteem. And you’ll be more excited to try new things in the future. 

TREAT EVERY SINGLE PERSON THE WAY YOU CRAVE TO BE TREATED

Now, I’m not saying that your inner sense of self-belief should ever come from outward validation, you shouldn’t base how you feel about yourself on the way that other people treat you because you can’t control that. 

Humans have this kind of desire for reciprocity. When I’m nice to people, when I smile at random people in the street, when I compliment people, when I do nice thin
gs for other people, it is more likely that that will be reciprocated back to me. And generally, this just all around increases your sense of self-esteem. 

And again, I’m not saying you need to rely on the generosity of other people to make yourself feel good, but it makes you feel good when you’re doing nice things for other people. And then it makes you feel even better when that niceness is returned. 

A lot of the time as well, people will see things in themselves that we just can’t see. You know, a lot of the time people will compliment us on things that we’re not allowing ourselves to see because we are so incredibly self-critical. 

Putting good things out there makes you feel good. Receiving things back over time will make you feel good and so all around this is a good exercise. 

Again, it’s not about relying on the compliments of other people to feel good about yourself. You should be able to do that on your own but I promise you just have that kind of beautiful reciprocated positive energy, as often as you possibly can, is a way that is going to boost your self-esteem. 

STOP COMPARING YOURSELF TO OTHER PEOPLE

Here’s the thing. I personally don’t believe that all comparison is bad. I know most of the internet gurus in the personal development space will be like, never compare yourself to other people, I think a healthy level of comparison can actually sometimes boost us into action if it feels expansive. 

I’m not saying that you need to, you know, go off the grid, kind of all social media in order to feel good about yourself. If there’s someone online, that kind of makes you feel a little bit envious and jealous, but that is a positive thing, because it pushes you into action, then I think that’s a good thing. 

However, a lot of us have a very bad sense of self-esteem because we’re constantly comparing ourselves to other people in a negative way. We’re saying because this person has it, I can’t have it, or that person has success, because they look like this, or they sound like this, or they have this and we kind of get into this, I’ll never be able to change, I’ll never be able to have because that person has. And that kind of goes back to point one. 

What you really want to do is make sure that you are allowing yourself to maybe get inspired by other people. But if that is turning into the I cant’s, I never will, then you just got to stop following those people. 

Anyone that triggers you into thinking you’re not good enough, you have to stop following those people. Anyone that makes you feel less than or makes you feel like you can’t achieve the things that you want in life, then you’ve got to stop following them. You’ve got to be in control of your consumption and wherever you possibly can stop comparing yourself to other people. 

One of the biggest things that you can do to stop comparing yourself to other people is, of course, increase your own level of self-love, like self-love and self-confidence. But at the end of the day, to cut it off at the source, anyone that makes you feel like crap, anyone makes you feel like you can’t have the things that you want in life, you literally just need to cut them out, you need to stop following them. 

Don’t make this a big thing. Just surround yourself with people who make you feel like you can do the things that you need to do in order to achieve the goals that you have. Okay? Promise me you are going to stop comparing yourself to other people unless that comparison leads to action. 

There are just a few habits that you can use to start increasing your sense of self-esteem.