MY STORY

Around halfway through last year, I really did get to the point where I knew that I wanted to make significant changes in my life. But there was a huge decision that I needed to make that was stopping me from stepping into my power. It was taking up so much of my time and it was consuming so much of my mind. And that decision was actually to leave my relationship. 

You may or may not know that prior to the start of this year, I was engaged to my partner. We were together for seven years. We lived together, we were buying a house together, the whole bit. And I made the decision to leave the relationship. And I really wanted to share that with you today because it was such a big significant change. It has shown me that it really is so important that we have the right people in our lives and that our relationships are supporting our growth. 

Leaving that relationship was something that I battled with for a long time. I was riddled with a lot of guilt but if I was truly to connect with my intuition, it is just not where I wanted to be. 

And I know so many women have experiences like this. They have these intuitive feelings that that relationship is just not where they want to be or it’s just not what is fulfilling them but they have a lot of guilt or fear around leaving the relationship, so…they don’t. 

If you are truly going to live your life as the very best version of yourself, having people around you that fill your cup is the most important thing. 

So many people, women especially, aren’t where they want to be in life because they’re so worried about what other people are going to think. We worry so much about other people. 

So much so that so many women even stay with the person they’re not in love with, because they’re so worried about what everybody is going to think or stay in the job that isn’t serving them, because they’re so worried about what people think. I mean, how many people in this community aren’t putting themselves out there online or starting the business that you desire because you’re so terrified of what other people are going to think. 

If you’re going to upgrade your confidence so that you can upgrade your life, relationships are going to be such a big part of that because, like it or not, human beings are tribal by nature. We thrive off of having support and people around us. And so it is incredibly, incredibly important that you do choose the right people.

1 . SELF-LOVE & ACCEPTANCE

You may often hear that in order to receive love, you must first love yourself. And whilst I think this needs to be taken with a grain of salt if you are going to attract magnificent relationships, and I’m talking about intimate relationships, interpersonal relationships, business relationships, friendships, if you are going to attract incredible fulfilling energetic relationships into your experience, you must first be working on yourself. You must first be working on healing any limiting beliefs that you have around you not being worthy of love or being taken care of. 

If you’re someone like myself, who really really struggles with having people overstep your boundaries, or with feeling guilty all of the time, these are the things that you should be working on first if you are going to upgrade your relationships. 

You have to go into relationships as a fulfilled human being. And that doesn’t mean that you can’t have any limiting beliefs and that you can’t have anything wrong with you in order to have relationships in your life. But if you want those relationships to be totally supportive of you, rather than necessarily feeding you things that you feel like you don’t have yourself, then you have to work on feeling fulfilled in yourself first.

To start attracting the right relationships, you’ve got to feel confident in yourself. Why is this important on a really practical level? Because it’s the energy that you start to put out there. When people see you living your life, loving your life, being confident doing your thing, they will be magnetized towards you. 

Whereas, if you’re someone who comes with an incomplete energy, someone who is looking to take from other people, this energetically can be really really deterring. 

So start working on yourself first. Becoming the very best version of you is the first step to attracting magnificent relationships into your life.

2. KNOW EXACTLY WHAT YOU WANT AND NEED FROM THESE RELATIONSHIPS

You probably shouldn’t need anything from these relationships, but if you want to attract better relationships, intimate relationships, friendships, business relationships into your life, you must get specific about what you want these to look like. And honestly, the simplest thing you can do is write yourself a list. 

For example, if you would like to attract an intimate partner, what are the qualities, behaviours and characteristics that you would like this person to have? If you would like to attract a mastermind in business what would you want that mastermind to look like or feel like? If you’re trying to attract friends into your experience, what types of friendships would you like? 

Just getting really specific about knowing what you want out of these relationships leaves no room for chance. It’s really important that you have standards when it comes to the people that you are meeting. 

If you know what you want, in any area of life, not just relationships, it is much easier to actually be hyper-aware of the qualities in other people and therefore attract those things. This isn’t magic, this is all down to awareness. When you know what you want, it’s much easier to take action towards it.

3. START PUTTING YOURSELF OUT THERE

Something that I talk about a lot is friendships, masterminds relationships, I’ll obviously be talking about a lot more to do with relationships moving forward in this new chapter of my own life. But one of the most common questions that I do get from people is how do I actually start making friends as an adult? How do I build a mastermind? How do I find business besties? And the reality is, it all comes down to you being brave enough to put yourself out there.

When you’ve worked on yourself enough that you can handle rejection, if someone doesn’t want to spend time with you or reply to you in a DM like, that’s okay because there are going to be other people out there that are your dream soul community. But you have to put yourself out there.

As an adult, I think because we don’t have institutions that are bringing us together people are a lot more isolated. And so it may be a little bit more difficult to make friends. But it’s absolutely not impossible. You’ve got the internet at your disposal, you can go online, find people with who you feel like you would connect. Slide into their DMS. And again, if they reject you,
it doesn’t matter. It just wasn’t the right fit or the right time. There’s nothing wrong with that. 

The more that you fill yourself out as a human being, the more that you are building your own independence, maybe building a business or pursuing different hobbies or maybe just trying something new. The more that you put yourself out there, the more opportunities you will have to meet people. 

However, it also does come back to your energy. You know, if you’re particularly closed off and shy, it’s a lot harder to make friends. So you do have to build up your confidence to start conversations with people, to be okay when people don’t want to initiate a conversation with you to actually put yourself out there, to stand in a room by yourself or other people are having conversations and still feel okay in yourself because that kind of energy that you’re putting out there is as I said before, extremely magnetic. 

But if you want to upgrade your relationships, you just gotta put yourself out there. If you want to build a mastermind online, start connecting, go to events, network with people, put yourself out there, give yourself an opportunity to meet people and that is how you will upgrade those relationships.

4. BALANCE EFFORT WITH BOUNDARIES

I’ve spoken to so many women who have intimate relationships and friendships and family structural relationships and even business relationships where they feel like they’re always putting other people first. You need to find this beautiful balance between putting in effort and making sure you are managing your boundaries. 

The reality is, other people don’t set our boundaries for us, we set them for ourselves. 

If you are finding that your relationships are impeding your business growth or on to your goals and hobbies, you’ve got to be the one to say, “Hey, I need to take some time today to work on my stuff”, or, “Hey, I can’t help you today, because I actually need some time for myself.” 

You have to set your boundaries. But also it is about still putting in the effort to maintain that relationship. That’s just the reality of being a human being in this world.

So balance yourself out, make sure you’re taking care of yourself first, and you’re setting those solid boundaries, but you are also putting in the effort. And the litmus test for all of this is going to come down to your own physical energy. If you are overstepping your own boundaries, you’re going to feel physically drained. Because you feel like you can do nice things to people and still have time for yourself and still have all of the energy, that’s when you found a beautiful balance. 

One of the key tricks to this as well is having quality over quantity, having really quality people in your life versus lots of different people in your life, when you’ve got few really really, really good solid relationships in your life, it’s obviously much easier to maintain this balance of effort and boundaries.

5. WHEN TO KNOW IT’S TIME TO LEAVE A RELATIONSHIP

We absolutely have the ability to step away from things that aren’t serving us. Relationships or in any other area of life, it is totally up to us.

When you feel like you are in a relationship that is no longer giving you the feeling of fulfilment, a feeling of joy, of love, of growth, it’s no longer pushing you, it’s no longer about the benefits that you originally set out for it to have in the beginning. That’s when you need to walk away. 

I know it can be difficult, I know firsthand, especially when everything seems fine on paper to walk away from something, whether it be a friendship, a business, an intimate relationship, I absolutely do know that it can be one of the most difficult things you can do.

But check in with your gut, if this relationship is not serving you in the way that you hoped it would. And you don’t have the same feeling towards this relationship, you have to realize that there is something else out there that is for you at this stage. And having the courage to move out of that experience and go into the unknown is the bravest thing that you can do. But it also will be the best thing that you can do in your life. 

All of this comes back to learning how to listen within learning to know what is best for you. Knowing yourself first, building your confidence, building your self-worth, building your self-love.

When you love yourself and you put yourself first it is much easier to know what is best for you. And therefore it’s much easier to build relationships around you that are going to support the life that you desire to live. It’s not easy, but it is simple.