How to Overcome Self Doubt with Hayley Lloyd
This week I sat down and had an amazing conversation with Hayley Lloyd. She is an empowerment coach helping women overcome their self-doubt and rediscover their inner confidence. Using a blend of practical mindset work & spiritual practices, Hayley guides her clients and audience into getting out of their own way & living a life of purpose.
We really dove into what self-doubt looks like, how self-doubt shows up and really how to overcome it. Because here’s the thing, as game changers, as personal brands, as leaders, what I’ve come to understand is that self-doubt is one of the most debilitating things we will face.
We really break it down for you so you can understand what self-doubt looks like, how it might be showing up for you, and how to start overcoming it so that you can start stepping into the purpose you came here to fulfil.
As it is for most of us, Hayley’s journey was a long one, but it all really started when she was told by her doctor that she was going to have chronic anxiety for the rest of her life because of a chemical imbalance and that she would probably have to spend the rest of her life on medication. Because she didn’t have the foundations in place to process that information, self-doubt and anxiety took hold of her life.
The relationship I had with myself ended up crumbling and I was in a really bad way for a while. I was dependent on alcohol and drugs to just sort of numb myself and get through the days. I was really out of touch with myself and my self-doubt was keeping me from really showing up for myself. It was keeping me from going after what I really wanted to do…start a business.
I didn’t feel like I could do it, I procrastinated, I avoided, I kept feeling like I would be figured out.
I was putting too much pressure on myself to be perfect and I had such bad social anxiety that I ended up being unable to speak in front of group of more than 2 people and basically almost lost my job because of it.
When she finally decided to hire a coach, things began to turn around. She starting really investigating her relationship with herself and developed a strong connection to her spirituality and faith.
I have such a strong connection with my spirit guides and that connection really helped me back out of a really dark place.
With a combination of understanding what self-doubt was and finding this relationship with spirituality she was able to come back to herself and stumble upon what she truly love; helping people and giving back the things that have helped her.
It’s sort of really all beautifully come together. I can now come from a place of understanding to solve a delicate problem in a really beautiful way.
At the heart of it, self-doubt comes from fear and a lack of relationship with ourselves.
For example, if you struggle from procrastination or people-pleasing, the chances are that it’s not just a behaviour you’re identifying with, it’s actually because there is a fear that is causing your self-doubt to be triggered and that procrastination is the response your body + mind have to resisting that feeling. It’s literally just your body trying to protect you, that is at it’s heart what self-doubt it.
You can sort of picture self-doubt as this protective layer that surrounds us and is trying to keep us safe.
What causes self-doubt to have an unhealthy affect on our lives is an unhealthy relationship with ourselves. Self-belief, self-trust, self- acceptance, self-worth are the core things that make up who we are and our relationship with ourselves—they are the things that, when strong and secure, keeps self-doubt at arms length.
The Self-Doubt Cycle
So, how do you change your relationship with what self-doubt means? With what usually triggers us?
Hayley likes to refer to this process as the self-doubt cycle and it goes a little something like this:
An alarm goes off somewhere in the mind because something has triggered a fear in us. And those triggers will typically be a fear of failure, a fear of rejection, a fear of conflict, etc. These are deep down fears that have been programmed within us FOR YEARS so, oftentimes, it can be unconscious.
Once the alarm goes off in the mind it can create a physical feeling like anxiety or a harsh inner dialogue, causing something like procrastination. This is your body’s response to that fear.
The cycle will repeat itself until we learn to recognize and interrupt the pattern.
Breaking the Cycle
Self-doubt is so unconscious most of the time, so how does someone break that first initial cycle?
Awareness is always the first step.
If you want to start a business and find yourself procrastinating, the best thing you can do is create that awareness for yourself. Ask yourself, is this self-doubt? And, do not identify yourself as your trigger.
Repeat “I am not a procrastinator, I am simply experiencing fear”.
Getting really clear on how self-doubt shows up for you and recognizing what your triggers are is the first step. Once you have that awareness you can start reconditioning your brain to become someone who overcomes that self-doubt and takes action despite their fear.
So, become aware of what your fears actually are and stop identifying as them.
Don’t say “I am a procrastinator”, say “I have had an experience with procrastination”.
Identifying and learning who we actually are underneath it all is SO VITAL. That self-acceptance will allow you to align yourself with what you truly want to do and who you truly want to be, and allow you to recognize your fears and triggers as what they are and not an identifying factor.
Build out who you are as a person. You are not your business. What are your values as a person? What do you love to do for fun? What do you believe in?
Accept that everything that you’ve been through has been done FOR you, not TO you and are exactly what makes you who you are today. Own your story.
Once you become grounded in that self-acceptance you’ll begin to recognize the things that you need in your life to be happy, to be purposeful. You’ll be able to identify the boundaries that will enable you to show up as the best version of yourself.
If I had not lost myself I would not have the drive to be doing what I’m doing today—I wouldn’t have the why to get me up every morning and work 2 jobs essentially.”
Whenever you are coming up against the same problem, over and over, stop and ask yourself “What do I need to learn here?” For your greater good, there is a lesson you can learn or you can continue to go through the cycle until you learn the lesson.
Haylee’s Miracle Morning/Soul Practice
A little bit of movement
Go into developing your routine with intention: What do you actually want from your life? Do you want to be more confident? Do you want to build a business?
Break those things down and tailor your morning routine to them.
For instance, your affirmations should be directly linked to the things that you want to achieve. The same goes for the journaling and the specific things you are looking to explore or overcome.
What is really important before you start creating some sort of routine is committing to maintaining consistency and making a habit of it.
Make space for intuition, prayer, and divine guidance.
There are things you can start to notice about your gut feelings (which is ultimately your intuition). To recognize if your gut is telling you yes or no is to tap into your body and see where the feeling is sitting.
If it’s a yes you’ll feel like a light feeling in your upper body (arms, shoulders, or head),
If it’s a no you’ll feel it in your lower body and it’ll feel heavier.
Intuitively we know whether something is right or wrong for us is less than a second.
When you are first starting out, sitting in mediation and practicing the art of clearing your mind, is so incredibly powerful. Most of the things that come to your mind when your mind is silent are the things that you might want to pay attention to.
Just putting your questions out to the universe and being free + open to receiving guidance is such an amazing practice in trust + following your intuition.
Honestly, meditation is the bridge between us and the other realm. Not only, from a physiological perspective, are you training your brain to not skip around, but you are creating space to hear the divine guidance you’ve been looking for.
If you are experiencing really negative emotions or judgements, another brilliant thing to do or start to research is EFT tapping. It is a brilliant thing for releasing energy that has been blocked in our bodies. It works in the same way as acupuncture or pressure would work, it breaks the energy cycles.
Whether it is a physical, mental, or emotional pain, our energy plays a huge part, so EFT tapping and other energy work plays a huge role in maintaining our most happy + healthy self. It will allow you to create more robust connections and bring your back to centre.
If you need something practical to start being able to trust yourself and your intuition…whatever is scaring you the most to do right now…try it.
If the thing that is holding you back is fear, the only thing that is going to allow you to move past it is to take a step forward.
If you have a fear showing up on social media then challenge yourself to just show up anyway. Because the best way to build confidence is to create competence, and the only way to create competence is to try. So, whatever you are sitting on right now in fear…just take a step. TAKE ACTION.
Whether that is hiring a coach or analyzing all of the things that make you happy…just take a step.
You can absolutely work through anything that is stopping you from taking the action that you need to. It really just comes down to taking ownership of how you want to show up in the world.
You are the only thing holding you back. You are creating your reality. No one else is going to create a different future but you, you have to make the decision to want to do it for yourself.
Make sure to check out Hayley here!
Journal Prompts: https://hayleylloydcoaching.lpages.co/journal-with-purpose/
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