How to date yourself to upgrade your life (Ft. Sarah Mac)
I’m featuring such a delicious interview here for you today.
Now, if you’ve been following me for quite some time, you may notice a little bit of a shift in my current content, and that is because I am going through this absolutely obsessive phase of learning about identity and how our identity truly is the thing that shapes our ability to be successful, that shapes our lives essentially.
You know, I went on this whole identity-shifting journey myself. I don’t think I’ve ever fully recorded an episode on what that journey looked like, but I’ve spoken a lot about it on social media. You know, when I left my long-term relationship, and I was in lockdown, I was by myself. I really had become my own best friend.
And through that process, I restructured my identity, restructured how I saw myself, and my business boomed. The results that I was getting at the time were mind-blowing, my audience doubled, and my income doubled. It was just incredible. And that was actually where the becoming the coolest person you know concept was born.
You could have the perfect drag-and-drop strategy from someone who, time and time again, has proven that they’re able to help someone market themselves or to make more money online. And yet still so many people will not be able to create success even if they follow that strategy absolutely perfectly. Many people will be able to, but many also won’t. And so that led me to believe there was so much more to being successful than what we do, and I really came to the conclusion that it was who we are.
So I’ve been shifting my story, my content, my focus a lot lately to helping people shift their identity.
Now, today’s interview is with one of my amazing, amazing clients, Sarah. She’s a relationship mentor, and I thought this would be a really interesting conversation because Sarah specializes in helping people to shift their identities as they exit relationships and build better relationships with themselves. Not just so that they can have a new relationship in the future but so they can increase their quality of life overall.
[00:05:32] Loving the fuck out of yourself.
I had the idea to sit down with Sarah because, in my work with her, I am just so inspired with how practical and applicable her approach to building a relationship with yourself is.
While she might be speaking to singles, so much of what she says is also extremely applicable to those who are entrepreneurs because the relationship that we have with ourselves truly is the foundation for how we show up online and how we show up in our lives.
Falling in love with your life now and where you’re at now is what allows you to create a better future.
We are wasting so much time being stuck on the past and not letting go. Why do we turn into different people when we’re going through a breakup? We go through this grief process and when people tend to get stuck on the past, it means they haven’t come to the final phase of grief, which is acceptance.
You have to really take your power back by recreating yourself, recreating your future. You’re really thinking about the future that you wanna create, and you have to get your power back by knowing you can create it. And that’s, you know, where all the mindset work comes in. You have the sole power to change your future and to rewrite your story from the past.
People spend so much time ruminating on relationships trying to figure out what rent went wrong or I feel like even now in the personal development space, so many people are ruminating on the past, like trying obsessively to figure out where they’re limiting beliefs from or why something is the way that it is. And that almost means that they end up living in the past more than they are trying to create their future.
Our curiosity-mind also means that we sometimes can get caught in these loops of trying to figure out until we have closure or completion to the puzzle that our brain is trying to solve, we can get stuck in it.
[00:14:03] How do we move through that acceptance phase?
Closure is so deceiving. We think we need closure before we can move on, but it should be the other way around. Once you start to move on and rebuild the life that you wanna live, the closure will come eventually. And that could be years later. In that time, what is really important and how you can speed up that process is getting clear on what you truly want, what you value, building that relationship with yourself because obviously something was missing in that relationship, whether, even if we’re not talking about relationships like there’s something that needs to be let go and your brain, of course, wants black and white answers.
We need to find patterns. But what you can do is just get clear on your values and your deal breakers so that you can, as you move forward, and let’s say if you do start to date again, you have what is really true for yourself. You have your non-negotiables, and then you may meet someone else, or you have another experience, and then closure hits you out of nowhere. You can’t sit around and wait for it because it’s just, it’s not what we need that that is gonna help us move on. We need to get back to focusing on rebuilding our relationship with ourselves and our future.
As we build that relationship with ourselves and know, okay, what do we really need or what do we truly want? And someone or another experience might come along, and we’re just going to have more realizations, and it’s going to give you a different perspective on that past, whatever you’re leaving behind. And it’s just continual realizations of what you want and what you desire, and what you need.
[00:19:00] A lot of people have allowed other people’s opinions and influence to chip away at that positive self-perspective. And so, where does someone start?
Start with a good audit of your past experiences. Put everything down on paper, every relationship, and write down pros and cons. It’s as simple as starting to investigate. You’re the investigator of your life. It should be fun. You get to play and figure out what is really going on underneath. And you get to design, you get to step into that design role of what you truly want.
And it depends on where you’re at on your journey. So if you’ve never done any of this work, you just have to really stop and take a look at what is lighting you up.
Make it a daily practice to reflect on.
It’s really just figuring out what you like and what you don’t like. It’s kind of as simple as that.
What are your deal breakers in relationships? In business?
What lights you up?
What is your purpose?
What excites you?
[00:26:35] Once we start to actually figure out what we like, figure out what we don’t like in relationships in business, how can someone develop the courage to actually follow that?
Your relationships will get better each time you have the courage to leave what is no longer serving you. When you hit a breaking point, you have this desire, and you have this gut feeling that there’s something out there that’s calling you and then maybe one day you see someone that is doing what you wanna do, and your brain says, that’s it, I’m doing it. And you make some impulsive decisions.
Making those leaps, big and small, is how you build that trust muscle of courage.
Start by taking little steps. Build that trust muscle, build that courage muscle.
You can also look at the evidence in the past. When did you feel your most courageous in the past?
Write that down so that you have the evidence that you can do hard things.
There’s a point at which you will be pushed into making the decision if it’s truly in alignment, or you can take the more empowered path by building that courage muscle and taking the action.
Where do you see your life five years from now?
What action can you take today to take you one inch closer to that path?
It’s about listening to your gut. Once you do listen to that voice, you will definitely be honoured. Like life is going to bring you amazing things because you’re living your truth, you’re being true and authentic to your core desires.
HEAR MORE ABOUT SARAH’S JOURNEY
[00:36:29] How do you know whether a decision is ego-driven or intuition-led?
[00:41:15] The upgrades you can make to your single life (to better your relationship with yourself)
Make sure to tag us with this episode #chillpreneurpodcast @erinmayhenry
Then check out Sarah!
The single Upgrade Program: https://www.lovesmac.com/coaching
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